Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
