i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
