I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Soap is not a condiment
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
