great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
