She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
