i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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