I want to stick my p in your. b.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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