you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
