How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
