So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
