I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
