Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
