He asked me if I "almost moaned"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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