I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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