I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
