K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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