what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
