The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so much tequila, so little girl.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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