maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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