so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so let's talk penis.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
