Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
