On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
