we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
