Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
