K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
