I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
