wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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