In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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