Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
