I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
