the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
