Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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