So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
