there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
