I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
