i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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