i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
