the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
