the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
