WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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