1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
