I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My vagina is officially offended.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
