i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
this hospital has no fireball
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
