After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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