I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
