Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
