It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's the barista slut.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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