We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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