i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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