Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
